How to Fix Erectile Dysfunction Using Hypnotherapy
Erectile dysfunction used to be thought of as an issue only for older men and something that was generally fixed by the little blue pill (Viagra).
Yet in recent years there has been a huge rise in erectile dysfunction (ED) in the under 40s. It has become such an issue that the medical profession have even coined the term 'Millennial ED'.
In 2016 NHS digital showed that three million prescriptions were given for Viagra. This is almost three times greater than ten years before.
Erectile dysfunction is usually thought of as not being able to get hard. I find, however, that when I'm working with clients there are four key areas where men struggle:
- Not getting hard
- Getting hard but losing the erection during sex
- Cumming too quickly
- Cumming too slowly
- Not able to cumming at all
I work with several clients a week who have these issues, and the combination of therapy and homework have great results. If you would like to book an appointment, or ask more questions please visit my Contacts page.
Disclaimer
I am not a doctor; I am a therapist with 18 years’ experience working with all kinds of different problems. The support and advice I will give here is not medical advice and, if you feel you need
to see a medical professional, please do.
Generally, if you are able to get hard, stay hard and cum when you are on your own, then most likely the issue is psychological (in your head), and that
is where I can help.
Not Getting/Staying Hard - The
Problem
Some men find it difficult to get hard when they are with sexual partners and other men get hard, but later lose their erection, which may or may not come back during that session.
There are several common reasons why this happens including:
- General performance anxiety
- Reliance on porn
- Previous damaging sexual experiences
- Low self-esteem/confidence issues
- Condom-triggered ED
The moment we start worrying about our erections, no matter when or why that happens, we start to tense up. The more we tense up, the more difficult it becomes to get hard and, the more difficult it becomes to get hard, the more we worry – and round and round we go.
Getting an erection is an automatic process that is triggered by sexual activity, or things our minds confuse with sexual activity – being bounced around on a bus for example.
Automatic processes, like breathing, maintaining our body temperature and getting hard are taken care of by our subconscious minds.
This is the super powerful part of our minds and in fact:
THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND is so incredibly powerful that it can process around 20 million pieces of information a second – that’s an insane amount!
Our conscious mind on the other hand, the part of our brain we're aware of, the bit that allows us to talk and consciously think, processes ONLY AROUND 40 BITS OF INFORMATION each second.
This lesser processing power is one reason why we can get locked on to ideas, it's very easy for all of our conscious brain's processing power to be taken up by just one thing.
And if that one thing isn't productive it can be really damaging, like preventing us from getting erections. It's often thought of as being locked onto an idea or even 'getting in our heads' about things.
Once this happens concerning erections, the cycle can be a tricky one to break. And unless the problem is tackled effectively not getting or maintaining an erection can be a life-long issue.
Not Getting/Staying Hard - The Standard Solutions
When it comes to fixing this problem, many men look to pills.
This is often the go to solution and the one that doctors tend to recommend, (doctors generally work to a 'Medical Model', which means their first solution is usually pills.)
However, there are several downsides, the cost being one. Even if you get them from the doctors, there is the cost of your time and the prescriptions - the two main ED pills, Viagra and Cialis, can cost up to £3 a pill. Viagra recently became available without a prescription but in UK pharmacies it cost £5 a pill!
Plus, you have to remember to take the tablet, and they usually need thirty minutes or so to start to take effect.
They can also have the following side effects:
- Flushing (warmth, redness, or tingly feeling)
- Headache,
- Dizziness abnormal vision (blurred vision, red eyes)
- Runny or stuffy nose,
- Nosebleeds sleep problems (insomnia)
- Muscle pain,
- Back pain
- Upset stomach
This form of treatment can work for many but it does generally mean that you are choosing to rely on pills for the rest of your sexually active life – not ideal.
Not Getting/Staying Hard - An Holistic Approach
When I work with clients I take a more holistic, more rounded view of treatment. This includes work for the client to do at home, plus, on average four in person sessions - BOOK HERE.
Re-education and Homework
Our subconscious mind, though hugely powerful, has one prime objective, to keep us alive and, sadly, in doing this, it can actually stand in the way of us moving forward.
If we have been doing something for a while, and we haven't died, our subconscious mind helps us carry on doing that action, as all it wants to do is keep us alive.
Have you ever wondered why smokers carry on smoking, even though they are shown horrendous images on every cigarette packet? Well, as far as their subconscious is concerned, they have been smoking for years and they are still alive, so the subconscious mind wants to keep it that way and does so by reinforcing your smoking habits.
This is why if you do not get your subconscious on side when quitting smoking, it is very hard to manage to stop.
Do you want to quit smoking, check this link here.
Thankfully, there are ways to work with the subconscious and the first way to do this are the use of affirmations.
By repeating our intentions several times a day, we start the process of sending a clear message to our subconscious that things need to change.
How to Use Affirmations - Homework
The Affirmation
“You are a confident man and you get hard when needed”
- Repeat the set of affirmations twice a day, morning and night, for at least a month
- Repeat the affirmation three times
- Repeat it out loud and with conviction, feel it, mean it remember to say ‘you’ and not ‘I’ – if you say ‘I’ your conscious mind has a bad habit of disagreeing with the statement
You can create any affirmation that you feel appropriate, but I find this one works well with clients.
Affirmations - In the Therapy Room
Hypnosis is a means of focusing attention and when I am working with clients, I am able to focus the client's attention on their affirmations and help those words sink deep into the subconscious mind.
This process works in such a way that it's able to by-pass the conscious mind and it allows me to have the clients use the word 'I' - 'I am a confident man...' - and these words go in deep and go right to work.
Change the Language
First, you'll notice in the affirmation that it says 'get hard when needed.' Most of us are used to seeing porn where actors appear to stay hard forever. I'll talk more about the huge impact of porn in a moment, but we're not actually designed to stay hard for any length of time.
When humans first evolved around 200,000 years ago and started having sex there were many animals that would happily hunt and kill us.
With this in mind, we were designed to get hard, have sex, and cum quickly, so that there was less chance of an untimely death.
With this in mind, staying hard for a 'long session', isn't actually what we're designed to do. Now, I'm not advocating short sessions, what I'm saying is that if you can get used to the idea of being hard, mixed in with being soft/semi through a longer session you will have a better time.
For example, it is good to get hard when you first start kissing and touching, and then you move on to oral sex, then while you're sucking the guy, it really doesn't matter if you're hard or soft. When you move back up to kissing, as you've stayed relaxed about your erection, there's more chance that you'll get hard again.
So, when you are with a guy, rather than getting lost in worry, or thinking that you’re not getting hard, focus on foreplay. If the guy touches your cock and it’s not hard, say, ‘it just needs some warming up’ and move back onto the foreplay.
Avoid letting the guy you are with keep trying to get you hard, that can just knock our confidence. It can be hugely damaging to have a guy trying to suck you into life and have nothing happen. Instead, it is better to pull him away, and move your thoughts back into the moment.
What does he feel like? Smell like? How does his kissing make you feel – stay in the moment.
Then when you are more relaxed, stimulate yourself to bring your attention back to your penis and allow the blood to flow.
You can do this on repeat, get hard, have your erection go away when not needed, focus back on foreplay and get the blood flowing again, for as long as you want to enjoy the session.
Talking to the Subconscious - In the Therapy Room
As I mentioned, the subconscious mind controls our automatic processes and getting an erection when there is sexual stimulation should be an automatic process.With clients in a relaxed state, I use hypnosis to focus a client's hugely powerful subconscious mind on ensuring that getting an erection moves back into the subconscious where it belongs.
When a sexual stimulation is present, it is important to ensure that the subconscious sees this as a trigger to provide a man with a hard erection. In the same way as our subconscious knows that when our body needs oxygen, it triggers us to breath.
Imagination Over Porn
Over the last ten years there have been countless studies done on the damaging effects of porn.
Like most men, I'm a huge fan; however, I can see the impact it has had on men over the years. I don't believe that we should ban porn, or go without it altogether, but we have to relearn how to use it with moderation.
Some of the basic issues with porn are that it sets up unrealistic expectations of sex. The men are usually super fit, with massive cocks, who appear to stay hard and last forever, then cum bucket loads.
Of course, we don't realise that, for sex to look that good, it needs a bunch of pills and potions, fluffers, a director, huge amounts of lighting, make-up etc.
Not to mention the fact that one 'scene' can actually be filmed over several days, with rest, resetting, extra lighting and so on to ensure that everything looks perfect. Now, I'm sure if you have had sex, you know it's far from perfect.
Most of us do not look like fitness models and sadly no one yells, 'cut', while we stop for a refreshment break. On top of that, the more porn we watch, the more porn we need to watch to get off – if you want a super depressing read about why porn is doing men no favours have a read of this article (or don't, just take my word for it :) ).
To have a friendly, confidential chat or to book a session please Email, call/text/whatsapp 07305 507124
For me, the biggest issue with porn is that it ruins our imagination. There used to be a concept of a mental 'show reel', the idea that we stored our best sexual experiences so we could draw on them at a later time.
Added to that, before the abundance of available porn, we used to have to conjure up our fantasies. When we watch too much porn, everything sex related that isn't porn just isn't as good – this is not ideal when we're trying to get hard, stay hard and enjoy sex.
The Fix - The Porn Fast
- For 30 days do not use any porn at all to masturbate: do not use anything other than your imagination
- Masturbate as much as you would do normally, more if the mood takes you
- After 30 days, you can reintroduce porn (it is great after all or we wouldn’t watch so much of it) but do it so that out of every three times you masturbate, only one of those is using porn
Anchors and Triggers - In the Therapy Room
Anchors are amazing things and they are perfectly natural processes that happen through out our lives. If we repeat an action enough times and follow it by another action, the first can trigger the second.
Anchors have been around a very long time, you may have heard of Pavlov's dog:
Pavlov presented a stimulus (e.g. the sound of a ringing bell) and then gave the dog food; after a few repetitions, the dogs anchored the thoughts of food onto the bell and started to salivate on hearing the bell alone with no food present.
Human's do this in lots of ways. It's very common to anchor happy memories on to a particular song and when we hear it play, it triggers that happy memory and we're taken right back to the first experience.
The really useful thing in a therapy session is that I can install an anchor that clients can trigger at a later point. I use this technique for building confidence and raising low self-esteem, and in the case of psychosexual therapy, I can anchor the feelings of an amazing, successful sexual experience, and this can later be triggered before any future encounters to create the right mood.
Interestingly, many athletes use this process, they have anchors for winning events, often attached to a spot of colour on their sports equipment, and when they see that colour it triggers those winning emotions and helps them to success.
Five to One - The Mindful Fix
I'm sure you've heard the term Mindfullness, which is basically a fancy way of saying, staying in the moment.
Staying in the moment is super important during sex, if nothing else it will make the experience more fun. But when it really comes in handy is if your mind becomes locked onto the idea of not getting/staying hard.
One of the easiest ways to pull your mind back into the moment is simply to count down from five to one.
Try it now, just count down naturally from five to one and notice how your mind starts to clear.
When you're with a partner and the first worrying thoughts start to push their way into your mind, do the count down and move your focus onto what's going on in front of you.
Pay attention to kissing, kissing is super important and triggers all kinds of happy body chemicals and as I mentioned before, think about what he feels like, smells like, the heat of his body etc.
There is technique used by athletes called mental rehearsal. This is the process of going over and over an event in our minds, such as winning an event or perfectly completing a successful maneuver.
Our subconscious mind does not differentiate between whether something actually happened or if we imagined it. There are many ways this isn't useful, which I will talk about in a yet to be written article, but where it is useful is when it comes to mental rehearsal, by repeating a processes over and over, our subconscious believes we're able to do it and when the real event takes place it is there to help us succeed.
In the therapy room I can take this one stage further and use something called future pacing. This is a process of using hypnosis to have you imagine or picture that you are in your future and you are actually having a successful encounter.
The encounter goes perfectly, you get and stay erect and you feel the emotions of this amazing encounter. In your conscious mind, it's easy enough to picture because it's something that 'could' happen in your future once the therapy sessions have done their job.
Plus, your subconscious mind believes it's actually happened as, remember, it doesn't know the difference between real or imagined - win/win.
Condom Triggered ED
It is a sad fact that if parents gave their 11 year old boys condoms and told them to have fun masturbating with them, there's a good chance we'd have less teen pregnancies and random STIs.
Why? Because look at what we do instead. We tell teenagers that they MUST wear a condom, they ABSOLUTELY MUST wear condoms because if they don't they RISK getting into all sorts of trouble.
It never goes super well when you tell a teenager what they MUST do and certainly not when it has such scary connotations.
What this does is create an anchor for condoms in their mind. Anchors can be anything, a piece of music that when it's played it triggers a happy memory, a random smell that reminds you of your grandma's baking, or your penis going soft when it looks at a condom and all those 'YOU MUST' memories come flooding back.
In a less scaremongering world, we'd look at a condom and think... 'Excellent, I'm going to have sex!' and our subconscious mind would be trigger into making sure we were nice and hard for the fun about to start.
THERE IS A FIX and a pretty easy one at that, we have to create a new anchor for condoms. So rather than see it as a bad thing, we have that 'OMG sex is coming' feeling when we see one.
And the easiest way to do this is to include condoms in your month porn fast. What I mean by this is that it's a great idea to get yourself a bulk pack of condoms and every other day or so, have yourself a nice long wank with one on.
Really get in to it so that you start to reverse the miserable anchor most of us attached to condoms and create a fun, horny one that you can use to your advantage in the future.
Getting the right size can make all the difference to having successful, comfortable sex. It's well worth trying My Size condoms which come in a range of sizes to suit all sizes of guys.
The home work sections are part of an overall treatment package for erection issues. They work in conjunction with they hypnotic parts of the session. It is only by getting the super powerful subconscious part of the mind on our side that we can really fix erectile issues.
All of the above 'In the Therapy Room' sections above are done after the use of two "clearing" processes.
These help the client let go of any emotional baggage that might be blocking them from moving forward.
The first is a general clearance process that allows clients to let go of past events. This is great for letting go of sexual encounters that haven't ended so well and moving forward.
Next I use a technique called 'cutting ties', this is a means of releasing the connections we have to our past plus the current connections to people and things in our present that might be holding clients back.
Together these are wonderful techniques that clients really enjoy and many report the odd sensation of actually feeling lighter after they have undergone this 'letting go' process.
The next part is to install anchors for the client to use at a later date, plus using a process of mental rehearsal so that the client feels like they have had many successful sexual encounters.
The final part of the process is the use of an hypnotic script that talks directly to a client's subconscious mind.
The script uses suggestions that sink deep into the subconscious and instruct that super powerful part of the client's mind to get behind the client, and to support the client to ensure that getting and keeping hard is a subconscious processes and everything works well and how it should.
To have a friendly, confidential chat or to book a session please Email, call/Text/Whatsapp- 07305 507124
If you liked this article please Pin it :)
You may also like...
New!
I've just finished my first downloadable course. It's a for, what can often be an awkward subject in person, so I've put all the information, and hypnosis recordings into a course for use at home.